The Adventures of Harry

Hagia Sophia

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:14:18 GMT

Yesterday was great. We went to Hagia Sophia and spent hours there. Daniel explained all about it. Sophia is wisdom, the wisdom of God. He said the early church was very fond of wisdom. It seemed funny to me, to speak about wisdom as if she were a woman, even with a woman's name, but I suppose it's no stranger than Daniel calling his car Amanda.

I sort of like it. Sophia sounds more friendly than any of the Trinity. Sophia sounds like someone who would give you a sticky bun and a cup of tea and just chat. When I said that to Daniel, he smiled. I'm glad he wasn't offended. It's weird, him being a thief and everything, but he is pretty religious.

I was wondering all the time why he took me there, to a place so important to him. Maybe he's trying to show me I'm important to him too. He talked about St Joseph and I wondered why, but Joseph looked after a kid who wasn't his too. It's almost like having a family, isn't it?

Daniel

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:24:06 GMT

Something upset Daniel last night. He wasn't smiling and he didn't flirt with any of seven very pretty girls. He barely said a thing.

I think he's thinking about his dad. I think coming to Turkey has reminded him of a lot of things he'd forgotten. He and his father were pretty close.

He seemed better at breakfast. I wish I knew what to say to make him feel better, but I don't know what you're supposed to say at times like this. I'll just try to make sure he doesn't get lonely. I'll hang around a lot, in case he needs a friend.

Of course, if he gets really miserable, I could always steal something nice for him.

Respect

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 06:01:32 GMT

Whenever I go anywhere with Daniel, I'm so respected! Sometimes I feel like royalty. Old friends of his are great to me, because I'm his friend or nephew or partner in crime, so I must be like him. People who don't know him are persuaded by his manner to treat us both well. It's wonderful. Daniel and I don't live by what he calls "the petty rules of man". We don't bother with the rules of God much, either. Daniel always says he's sure they were meant more as guidelines and probably don't apply to us.

We have our own rules, though. There are times when Daniel will suddenly back off from a potential mark, because they're too vulnerable. He's a better man than some of those "honest" men out there.

Last Night

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 07:24:45 GMT

Last night, Daniel went out alone and I followed, because I was worried that something was wrong. He told me he was thinking about his father. It's hard to imagine Daniel having a father or any family. He doesn't need people.

He loved his Dad, though. It was nice to hear about it. It hurt a bit. It always makes me envious, hearing about other people's fathers, but it was so good to hear that some do love their sons. Daniel said his Dad loved him, but didn't always understand him.

When he was sixteen, his father gave him a valuable violin, made by some Italian bloke. I asked why he doesn't have it now and he got a sad look in his eyes and said, "Someone was angry with me and broke it."

I want to kill the bastard who did that. You'd have to be rotten to the core to break something so precious and all he had from his father. It's just evil.

Then he suddenly smiled and said, "It was just a piece of wood. He stole more from me than that, but he didn't win in the end, did he, Harry." I'm not sure what he meant, but it seemed to cheer him up, so I agreed.

Just Like A Movie

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:02:39 GMT

We're staying in a very new hotel, the Yasmak Sultan. It's only been open a few years. That's not Daniel's usual style, but the place is amazing. It's all so big and classy and it wouldn't surprise me at all to find Sophia Loren leaning attractively against the bar.

We're walking distance from the Topkapi Palace! Daniel says we're also walking distance from the Hagia Sofia, which is confusing me a lot. According to him, it was a church, then a mosque, and is now a museum. I think that's the right order. He tried to tell me some of the history, but I got lost in the Ottomans, if not before.

Daniel seems lost in his thoughts. Turkey means a lot to him. I'm not sure if his memories are happy or sad. I just know he seems to be thinking of them a lot.

I wonder what the Topkapi Palace is really life. I wonder if there's anything worth nicking.

Soon off to Turkey!

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 07:36:11 GMT

Merlin seemed happy about staying with Estelle. I don't know whether she'll still be as happy when she finds out that Estelle won't be feeding her smoked salmon like Daniel does. He's daft over the dog. He's not good at saying no to her about anything.

I can't believe we'll soon be in Turkey! Daniel's told me amazing things about it. I just keep thinking of Topkapi, Peter Ustinov, Melina Mercouri and Maximilian Schell. I wish someone like Melina Mercouri would say to me, "Do you mind that I am a nymphomaniac?" Because, honestly, the answer would be no. She could be as nymphomaniacal as she wanted with me.

Daniel says there are a lot of pretty girls in Turkey, but on the way back from dropping off the dog, he said, "Harry, if someone in Turkey offers to introduce you to his sister, politely decline."

Caught!

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 03:19:24 GMT

I got caught. I was so eager to get Charlotte's latest letter before we went to Turkey that I hurried out to collect it yesterday and got back to find Daniel had made lunch, so I went to eat in a hurry and left my coat on a chair.

Daniel went to hang it up and the letter fell out. He just held it up and looked at me. "I can explain." I said.

"So can I." said Daniel, "This is from Charlotte, isn't it?"

"Look at the address." I said, "She doesn't know where we are."

He looked, then he frowned at me. I was waiting for him to yell and tell me I had to either ditch her or leave, but he said, very calmly, "Tell me how this thing is set up."

So I did. I told him every detail, including the fact that I always leave the shop where I collect the post as if heading south, then go a long way around the area before returning here. I also told him how it works at her end, so her family don't know either.

He was quiet for a long time. I wanted to say more in my defence, but I was afraid of making things worse. He sat down at the table, holding the letter and tapping the corner of it on the table.

"Harry," he said at last, "I should be very angry with you."

"I felt bad, lying to you, but she's my friend." I said.

"More than I am?" he said.

"If it has to be a choice, I'll stick with you, but I hoped I could keep both." I said.

He nodded. "Fine."

"Fine?" I said, confused.

"You've set up a double-blind drop system which seems to be almost foolproof. I told you to end the friendship because it was a danger to us, but you've used what I taught you to remove the danger. You're a skilled liar who has deceived even me, but let's face it, I taught you how. I should be proud of how well you learned what I taught. I am proud of you. I don't want too many surprises like this one and I'm not convinced that this sentimental side of yours is a good thing, but when you're this devious, you deserve a reward. Maybe we can find a nice gift for Charlotte in Turkey." He reached over and handed me the letter.

"You don't want to read it?" I said.

"Every man is entitled to keep the secrets of his heart." he said.

I'm glad he knows. Lying to Daniel felt wrong.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:42:22 GMT

I've never met anyone who's been to Turkey, except Daniel, whose been everywhere. He says it's a bit like Venice, but also not like any other place on earth and whenever he talks about it, he smiles. I really want to see any place that has that effect on Daniel, because he's not the kind to get attached to places or things or people.

I'm an exception. He likes me. He said last night as we were packing our stuff, "It's good to have an intelligent travelling companion, Harry. It's a long time since I made this trip with someone who is such good company."

He started talking about some place in the hills, and I asked if Turkish girls are pretty. He said, "That's right, Harry, priorities!" and he laughed.

"Well, are they?" I said.

He nodded and said, "Many of them quite stunning. You'll find plenty to feast your eyes upon there. Eyes only, right?"

"Yeah, fine. And how about stuff worth nicking?"

"Harry, you have no soul." he said.

"Just as well. Let's see them try to send it to Hell." I said.

"Hell wouldn't take you anyway. You're too rebellious, my boy." he said.

"Me, rebellious? Never!" I said.

"Those innocent blue eyes don't fool me. I know you're a fraud."

"I'm a good fraud." I said.

"A twenty-four carat fake." he said, "The best I ever met."

We're going to have fun in Turkey. Sometimes I feel like James Bond, flying around the world to exotic places. America, one day, maybe. I'd love to go there.

Good Stuff

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:04:51 GMT

Last night, I ate at the Ritz. I wore amazing clothes and ate incredible food and I listened to posh music and I ate at the Ritz! Not bad for a gutter rat!

Daniel and I live well. We always have the best. I'm never hungry now and never cold. I don't get lonely, either. Well, not like I used to. He's always around and he always seems to find time to listen.

The truth is, I'm not sticking around for the food or a warm, dry place to sleep. I'm not even staying to get rich, although all those things are great. I'm here because it's good to have a friend, especially one like Daniel. Maybe it's because he's older, but he seems to understand me. He likes me, too. He doesn't always look at me and frown, as if I'm always getting things wrong.

He'd think I'd gone daft if I said any of this to him, but I wanted to say something, so last night, after a drop of brandy in the study, as I was leaving the room, I stopped and said, "You're alright, Daniel, for an old bloke."

"And you're fine," he said, "For a kid." and we both nodded and everything felt right between us. Then he said, "You did well tonight, Harry." That's better than hard currency, that is.

A Letter!

Sat, 31 May 2008 03:25:35 GMT

Today I collected my first letter from Charlotte. I never had a letter written to me before. I've read it about ten times and I can't wait to read it again, because it starts "Dear Harry" and ends "All my love, Charlotte" and it makes me feel like I matter and everything she says is so clever and so lovely and I'm going to write to her tonight, after Daniel is in bed.

I'm not sure what to say to her. I'm not sure how much I can say. I can't tell her about our planned plundering. It's not fair to her or to Daniel to involve her in that side of things, but I can tell her about my bike and how much I miss her and I can tell her that her writing is elegant and her letter made me happy.

I wish I could tell Daniel. I wish he would understand. I hate keeping things from him, but I need a friend.

Estelle came to see us today. Daniel had to answer the phone and I told her, fast and in a whisper, about Charlotte. I asked her not to tell Daniel and she asked why not.

"He doesn't like me getting involved with girls." I said.

She laughed and said, "Well, the old fool will have to get used to it. You're never going to be short of female attention with your looks. What's his objection?"

"He thinks only idiots fall in love." I said.

"And I suppose he claims not to be one of them." she said.

"Daniel doesn't bother with love."

She smiled. "Harry, his mouth is a cynic, but there's a heart under there that isn't quite so cautious. Never believe that our Daniel hasn't sometimes been a fool for women."

"Do you know something I don't?" I said.

"I know Daniel. He's a bit of a romantic on the quiet."

"Not Daniel." I said, "He laughs at men who fall in love."

"All men laugh at what scares them." she said.

"Am I wrong, to keep quiet about Charlotte?" I said.

"Harry, love, he's a good man and a clever man, but don't ever listen to him on matters of the heart. He talks a load of rubbish about love and doesn't believe half of it himself. You keep Charlotte secret for now. One day, he'll have to accept that you're going to find love eventually. He can't prevent it and shouldn't try. You have a loving heart, Harry. Don't let the cynic stop you from enjoying it."

Just then, Daniel came in and said, "You two look very conspiratorial. Should I be worried?"

Estelle winked at me and said, "You have a suspicious mind, Daniel Chalmers."

"It's served me well." he said.

Back in London

Tue, 27 May 2008 05:43:54 GMT

We're back in London and my photo of Charlotte is safely hidden in my room. If Daniel asks, I'll say I put it in the fire after he went to bed last night.

We've got a plan to lift a few thousand from a private gambling club. The bloke who runs it is called Lyon and he once tricked a friend of Daniel's out of six thousand. Daniel never forgets stuff like that.

Merlin was crying last night, so I let her sleep in my room. She's not allowed on the furniture, but I let her sleep on my bed anyway.

God, I'm Good!

Sun, 25 May 2008 17:59:44 GMT

I've arranged everything. Charlotte will write to me at a secret address, a corner shop over the river where, for a few bob a week, they'll keep post for Douglas Quintain, which I will collect, Mr Quintain being a very busy man. I'm even getting Daniel to give me a bike, because he can check where taxis go, but can't check where I go on a bike.

He couldn't complain, anyway. Charlotte will never know our address or even what part of London we're in. No-one will be able to connect the name Quintain to me or Quintain or Charlotte to Daniel. It's perfect!

Sometimes, I amaze myself.

I'm glad Daniel got the dog. She's good company for him. He's daft over her. Calls her, "Merlin, darling" and feeds her bits of steak when no-one's looking.

Merlin.

Thu, 22 May 2008 07:57:41 GMT

Today, Mr Howard gave Daniel a present, a spaniel puppy. "This is Merlin." he said, "Unfortunately, she's female, but she got used to the name before we realised."

Daniel likes dogs. He went all soppy over that one. When we were alone again in his room, I said, "Of course, we can't keep it."

"Why not?" said Daniel.

"Well, we can't drag it around Europe with us, can we?" I said.

"Estelle likes dogs."

"Great, we can give it to Estelle."

"Well, we can certainly leave her with Estelle when we're away." said Daniel.

"Wait a second. The man who says we can't keep so much as a photo is now suggesting we keep a dog?"

"Dogs are different. Dogs are like people."

"You won't let me keep people either."

"Better than people, and they don't talk." said Daniel, "Don't you like dogs, Harry?"

"What about the townhouse? We can't keep it there. You think they won't see dog hairs?"

"I'll clean up after her. No-one will ever know she was there." said Daniel.

"I bet it ends up with me doing the cleaning up." I said, "You'll get bored."

"Trust me." said Daniel.

I gave in. If Daniel wants a bloody puppy, I suppose there's no harm in it.

A Plan, Possibly.

Mon, 19 May 2008 07:50:50 GMT

I was talking to Daniel today about the tricks of our trade and he told me about blind contacts, where a series of addresses and relays are used so the person writing to Daniel can never trace him.

If I could set up something like that, Charlotte and I could write to each other without risk. That would be great!

I am so good at driving! It still makes my arms and shoulders ache, but I love it. Daniel says I'm getting better all the time.

Better

Sat, 17 May 2008 07:13:27 GMT

Talking to Daniel worked. He's fine about everything.He even admitted he was wrong to come into my room without knocking and I was able to tell him that Charlotte and I didn't do anything when she was in my bed. He believed me.

He also trusted my judgement about Charlotte and let me decide what we should do. Obviously, I chose to stay for a while longer. He says he'll try to treat me more as an equal in future. I think things will work out.

I asked Daniel today what our next caper will be and he just grinned and said, "Eager for a challenge, eh, Harry?"

"Always." I said.

I Wish He'd Get Angry

Wed, 14 May 2008 03:37:44 GMT

Daniel isn't talking to me. He's barely even looking at me. I wish he'd get angry and yell or something. I even wish he'd hit me, because I know how to react to that. This is terrible! He's acting like I don't exist.

I want to tell him that nothing happened between me and Charlotte. I want to tell him I'm sorry for some of what I said. I think I even called him mean, which he never has been. Why won't he give me a chance? Maybe something I said made him so angry he'll never talk to me again, but surely he should just tell me to go.

And if he does, what do I do then?

I can't do this! I can't work out some secret code he never taught me and guess what it is that has made him hate me. If it's that he thinks Charlotte and I did it, then he's wrong, and I can set him straight. If it's that he's starting to see what Uncle Caley always saw, I can't. Maybe he's seen what a fool he was to try to help me. I don't deserve his help.

Charlotte and I sneaked to a room in the attic today and we sat on some old crates and held hands. She said things would be fine, but she doesn't know about life. Things are never fine. Friendships end and love's a bloody joke and in the end, we're all alone and no-one can trust anyone else. But I smiled at Charlotte and agreed, because the truth is a rotten thing to inflict on anyone.

Everything's Messed Up

Sun, 11 May 2008 15:25:22 GMT

I think I messed everything up.

Yelling at Daniel and saying the things I said, most of which weren't even true, probably didn't help to convince him that I'm a mature young man capable of making my own decisions. In fact, I probably sounded like some hysterical kid trying to deflect criticism.

I think I need to handle this like a man. I need to talk to Daniel and tell him nothing happened. After what I said, though, he probably won't listen to anything I say.

Besides, some of it I meant.

I keep wondering when life gets simple. It's easy enough for Daniel. He slopes off to town, has his fun and comes home and no-one ever storms in on him demanding explanations.

How much longer is he going to see me as just a stupid kid? Probably as long as I react like I did last night. In a way, he deserved it. He has no right to act like some kind of angry parent. I don't behave like that to him. Fine, so he knows more than I do, but I'm younger and faster and stronger than him, so I reckon we're equals. Why didn't he knock? Why is it fine for him to just walk into my room?

Maybe I've blown it. Maybe, this time, he'll just tell me to leave.

Caught With Charlotte.

Sun, 11 May 2008 11:01:07 GMT

The night before last, Daniel was out chasing skirt and I didn't have to worry about him catching me cuddling up to Charlotte in my bed. As her parents sleep like logs, she didn't bother to go back to her own room and we just fell asleep. Best night's sleep I ever had.

We didn't do anything, nothing more than cuddles and kissing and that kind of thing. It felt good, though, to be close to someone.` When I heard Daniel coming back, I woke her and sent her to her own room, then went to see if he was okay. I worry when he's out late on his own.

Last night, Charlotte and I met as normal and she immediately got into bed beside me and we started working on a crossword together. We'd only done a few clues when Daniel came in and said, "Harry, did you borrow my ..." Then he saw Charlotte.

"Why didn't you knock?" I said, trying to be more angry than scared.

Daniel didn't answer, he just nodded to the door and said, "I think you'd better go to your room, young lady."

"Don't tell my Dad!" said Charlotte.

"Under the circumstances," said Daniel, "I think the less he knows, the better. Now, please, I need to talk to Harry."

She left and Daniel and I looked at each other. He looked angry. For a moment, I wondered if he was going to hit me. Then I remembered that Daniel isn't like Uncle Caley. Daniel doesn't hit people, he just talks at them.

He began very quietly. "Harry, would you mind telling me what you were doing with that young lady in bed?"

I should have just said, "Nothing." which was the truth, but the fact that he felt he could just walk in and demand an explanation made me angry, so I said to him what he had said to me the night before, "That's a question a gentleman would neither ask nor answer."

"Don't you dare use my words against me, Harry! Don't try to wriggle out of this one. This is serious! This is the stupidest thing you have ever done. This is dangerous for you, for me and for her. She's fifteen, damn it!"

"And I'm fourteen!" I said, "So what?"

"Harry, you can't behave like this. It's not sensible for you and not safe for her. Do you want to ruin her life?"

"Why not? You seem to want to ruin mine!" I said.

"I'm trying to help you, Harry."

"Yeah, right! You're jealous, that's all it is. Nobody ever loved you and nobody ever will, because you're a mean-spirited old man with no heart. You hate me just because I don't intend to end up like you, all alone and bitter and hating anyone who has what you don't. You're nothing to me! Sometimes you think you're my bloody father and you're not! You're just a sad old man and you have no right to tell me what to do!"

When I realised what I was saying, I stopped, knowing he could cite the many things he'd done for me and the many times he'd pulled me out of trouble, knowing I owed everything I had, including the charming manners that had endeared me to Charlotte in the first place. There were a thousand things he could have said and any of them could have destroyed my argument, but he just looked at me as if I'd just stabbed him and he said, "I think we both need sleep." and left.

I don't know who won. I don't know if anyone did. He hasn't spoken to me since and to be honest, I'd have preferred a beating.

I Should Tell Him

Thu, 08 May 2008 19:01:33 GMT

I should tell Daniel that Charlotte knows that we're frauds, but I can't. If I do, he'll want to know how it happened and then he'll be angry with me. Even if he's not, we'll have to leave here and never come back, which is the right thing to do, if we can't trust her.

But I do. I think she'll keep quiet, like she said she would.

Of course, if I'm wrong, we're in trouble. I'd better not be wrong. I should put Daniel first. I know that. I owe him. I feel like a traitor even thinking of keeping this from him, but Charlotte loves me and no-one else does and if I have to spend my whole life alone, I want one memory of being loved by someone who didn't have to love me.

Daniel would never understand and I can never explain, so I just hope Charlotte isn't lying to me.

This time, Daniel doesn't get to make the rules.

Wed, 07 May 2008 06:05:14 GMT

Last night, as we sat snuggled up in bed, reading The Three Musketeers, I kept thinking about Daniel and that photograph of Charlotte. It seemed so unfair. What does he know about this stuff? He says himself he's never been in love. I got angry. Why shouldn't I have a bloody photo, if I want one?

Charlotte said, "Harry, what's wrong?"

"Sorry." I said, realising that I wasn't great company, just thinking about Dan .. my uncle."

"I thought his name was Edward."

"It is, but we call him Daniel." I said, "He has a lot of cats, so we call him Daniel in the lions' den."

She gave me a weird look and said, "I should tell you, I know he's not the Earl of Chalfont. I checked Burke's."

"What's that?" I said.

"You see? You don't even know that. If you were really at Eton, you'd know."

"What are you going to do?" I said.

"You're not here to rob my Dad, are you?"

"No." I said.

"You just want a free holiday and he just wants to think he's entertaining an earl. So who's being exploited? Just be more careful. I don't want you to be caught out."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I don't want you to leave. Will you write to me, when you go?"

"I'd like to." I said, "But Daniel doesn't want ... "

"And he decides, does he?"

"I owe him a lot." I said.

"Like the fact he can be used as an excuse when you don't want to keep in touch?"

"It's not like that." I said. I thought for a while, then I remembered how Daniel keeps in touch with a big network of friends and acquaintances. "Wait!! I said, "It is possible! I'll set something up so we can write secretly."

"Oh, that sounds romantic." said Charlotte.

Daniel is too Observant

Mon, 05 May 2008 02:58:05 GMT

Last night, Charlotte hadn't even come to my room before Daniel came and asked if we could talk. I said yes and he came in and said, "Four small carved boxes from the mantel, a shepherdess statuette, a medal and a miniature portrait."

"Oh." I said. I had forgotten stealing them.

"Oh, indeed. If I've noticed they're missing, how long do you suppose it would take their rightful owners? Now, put them back, there's a good fellow."

I unwrapped them from amongst my clothes and put them all back where I found them. "Sorry, Daniel." I said.

"Never foul your own nest, my boy. Never spit on your own doorstep. If we steal here, they'll find out and we can't use this house or these identities again. We have a good thing going here. Let's not damage it for a few trinkets."

"It was just automatic, really. I didn't want us to leave empty-handed." I said.

He was looking at my case, I looked too, and saw the photograph Charlotte had given me. He looked at me and said, "Harry, I'm sorry, but you can't keep it."

"It's only a picture, Daniel."

"No pictures! Do you think I never wanted to keep a picture? Keep only memories, Harry. The police can't prosecute on the evidence of memories locked in your head, but they can do an awful lot with a clear photograph."

"I'm not in it and she could be anyone." I said. There was no way I was giving up that picture.

"She's identifiable." said Daniel.

"Who would bother to try?" I said.

"There are prisons full of men who thought that way."

"There are soup kitchens full of men who never did." I said. He looked hurt and I said, less angrily, "I don't want to be alone all my life, Daniel. You're making me give her up. Can't I keep one little picture?"

"No, burn it, or I will."

I knew he was serious. I was desperate for some way to keep it. I said, "I have to keep it while we're here, or she'll wonder what I've done with it. When we leave, I'll get rid of it."

"Promise?" he said.

"I promise." I said, feeling bad about making a promise I intended to break, but knowing there was no other way to keep a photo of Charlotte. I can hide it, when we're home. Daniel will never know.

Sun, 04 May 2008 08:44:59 GMT

Last night, Charlotte and I nearly got caught. She was sitting on the bed with me again. We only kissed and cuddled, but I knew neither Daniel nor her Dad would see it that way.

Just as she was about to go to her own room, Daniel knocked and said, "Harry, are you awake?"

Charlotte quickly rolled off the bed and hid down beside it on the floor. I dropped a blanket over her. "Yes." I said.

Daniel came in and said, "I'm worried about you. You look tired all the time."

"I'm fine." I said.

"Is there something on your mind?" he said.

There was. There was the thought that if Charlotte so much as moved or if I so much as glanced in her direction, Daniel would find out about our nightly meetings. "I'm fine." I said again.

"At your age, you need your sleep." he said, "Are you staying up to read or something?"

"No, I just had a few sleepless nights." I said.

He nodded and said, "Well, try to sleep now."

"I will." I said.

When he'd gone, Charlotte got back onto the bed and kissed me. "I think it's sweet, the way he worries about you."

"I'm just glad he didn't catch me with you." I said.

"Do you love me, Harry?" she said.

"Do you love me?" I said.

"Yes." she said.

I kissed her. "Then I love you."

We waited a while until we knew Daniel had gone, then she went back to her room. I slept badly again, thinking about Charlotte.

A Chat Outside

Fri, 02 May 2008 03:30:14 GMT

I was sitting on a low wall, watching the sky darken and the last colours of the sunset fade when Daniel came out of the house and sat beside me. "Are you warm enough, Harry?" he said.

"I'm fine." I said.

"It's quite a pleasant evening." he said.

"It is." I said.

"You're not coughing these days. Must be a good sign." he said. It still feels strange, knowing someone cares if I'm ill.

"I think my lungs are better now." I said.

"Good." he said.

We sat in silence for a long time. I watched the sky, a little afraid to look at him, in case my face gave away how I had made Charlotte suspicious of us.

Finally, he said, "I don't think I'd like to be your age again. It's a difficult time. Life is much easier to cope with as you get older."

"That's good to know." I said, "Because sometimes I get very confused."

"Everyone does, Harry." he said. He laughed and said, "I wish I'd known then all the things I do now. Life would have been a lot more fun."

"Bet you a quid it wouldn't." I said.

"No bet." he said, "You're probably right."

I felt I should try again to tell him Charlotte was suspicious. "Charlotte ... " I began.

"Charlotte's a sweet girl, Harry." he said.

"Yes." I said.

"And I imagine you'll leave here with some fond memories of your friendship."

That was a sad thought, that all I would have when we left would ge the memories, but I knew he was right. "Yes." I said, "I'll miss her when this ends."

He patted my shoulder and said, "You're a good kid, Harry, and very wise."

After he'd gone, I tried not to get upset. I'm not young enough to cry like I wanted to. I just said to muself, "Daniel treats you like an adult so bloody well act like one." I knew it wouldn't last between Charlotte and me, but I thought we could at least write to each other or something.

Difficult Times.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:58:51 GMT

Charlotte hasn't told her family about her suspicions, so I think things will be fine. There's no need to warn Daniel, which is good, because when I tried, I messed it up badly. Sometimes I don't think I'm any good at this stuff.

Daniel wouldn't let me drive today. He said I look tired. He's worried I'll lose concentration and break his car.

Charlotte gave me a photo of herself today. She asked if I had one of me. Daniel doesn't like photographs. I said no, and she got a camera and took one. I said, "Don't tell my uncle." and she looked thoughtful, but promised she wouldn't.

Shakespeare.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 02:37:17 GMT

When Charlotte came to my room last night, I gave her a rose I'd picked in the garden. She said no-one had given her a rose before. I got a kiss for that. We sat on the bed, as usual and she asked if I liked Shakespeare and I said yes, because I think it's illegal not to in England. I'd not really read any of his stuff, but I'd seen the movie of Hamlet and that was pretty good. I like a movie where the hero snuffs it at the end in some heroic way, even if he does talk funny.

They all talked funny in those days. It was Elizabethan times, Sir Francis Drake, Sir Isaac Newton, all that lot.

She had a book of sonnets and she read this:

What is your substance, whereof are you made,
That millions of strange shadows on you tend?
Since every one hath, every one, one shade,
And you but one, can every shadow lend.
Describe Adonis, and the counterfeit
Is poorly imitated after you;
On Helen's cheek all art of beauty set,
And you in Grecian tires are painted new:
Speak of the spring, and foison of the year,
The one doth shadow of your beauty show,
The other as your bounty doth appear;
And you in every blessed shape we know.
In all external grace you have some part,
But you like none, none you, for constant heart.

Then I took the book and read out this one:

As an unperfect actor on the stage,
Who with his fear is put beside his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart;
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
O'ercharg'd with burthen of mine own love's might.
O! let my looks be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love, and look for recompense,
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd.
O! learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.

Then I saw this one, and it made me feel like Shakespeare had known me:

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

My voice shook as I read it and suddenly Charlotte said, "Who are you, Harry?"

"Just me." I said.

"Harry, I know there's something you won't tell me. I know you're not what you say you are. Are you scared I'll tell someone else? Whatever it is, I'll keep it secret forever."

I was horrified. I didn't know what she knew or how and I was scared Daniel would find out that I'd messed everything up. "Don't ask." I said, "If you really like me, just believe I am who I say."

She put her arm around me and said, "Whoever you are, I like you."

I should warn Daniel, but he'll be angry. Maybe she won't say anything. Maybe everything will be fine. Maybe she loves me. If I told her everything, maybe she'd want to help us. She could even come with us. I could teach her stuff.

I don't know what to do, but I know I don't want her to look at me and say, "You're nothing!"